


the undead chatfic

by kosherdillpickles



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, M/M, adonis doesn't know how to text, adonis has an android, by hakaze harem i don't mean kaoru x the rest of undead, hakaze harem to be added perhaps?, he doesn't know how to text either but it's not as bad, heterophobia, i guess you'll see what i mean, it's wolf rock, koga had an unrequited crush on rei in first year but now rei is his annoying dad, old man rei, pining koga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:46:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25599034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kosherdillpickles/pseuds/kosherdillpickles
Summary: sakuma rei, the leader of UNDEAD, makes a groupchat so that his unit can better communicate. hilarity ensues.
Relationships: Hakaze Kaoru/Sakuma Rei, Oogami Kouga/Otogari Adonis
Comments: 11
Kudos: 77





	1. Hel o its andon,is

[12:08]

Sakuma Rei _created group:_ **UNDEAD**

Sakuma Rei: Hello

Oogami Koga: WTF

Oogami Koga: DELETE

Hakaze Kaoru: jfc

Sakuma Rei: Thank you all for coming to

Sakuma Rei: Unde ad groupcha

Sakuma Rei: t

Oogami Koga: learn to type ya fuckin vampire before you go doing some dumb shit like this i outta smack the shit out yr pale ass pasty ass vampire lookin ass

Otogari Adonis: Otogari Adonis

Oogami Koga: omg adonis hiii

Hakaze Kaoru: yuck 

Hakaze Kaoru: a chat with all boys? how grody~ we should invite some cute girls~~

Hakaze Kaoru: perhaps… anzu-chan? she is the producer, after all ♪

Oogami Koga: STOP USING THE SQUIGGLE 

Sakuma Rei: Calm down pu 

Sakuma Rei: ppy 

Hakaze Kaoru: why are your messages broken up like that

Sakuma Rei: I keep hittin gbutton

Sakuma Rei: I get ahead of myself

Oogami Koga: stupid vampire bastard

Sakuma Rei: I Am Old

Sakuma Rei: I Can not change how i Am

Hakaze Kaoru: where even are you guys rn. it’s not good to be on your phone during class, you know?~

Oogami Koga: i do what i want

Oogami Koga: rock listens to no one

Oogami Koga: rock has no rules 

Oogami Koga: it’s wolf rock

Oogami Koga: wolf rock never dies

Oogami Koga: so fuck you

Oogami Koga: AW SHITF 

Oogami Koga: rRBF. /I733$:@

Sakuma Rei: What

Sakuma Rei: Doggy

Sakuma Rei: Hello

Hakaze Kaoru: guys he’s fucking dead 💔

Sakuma Rei: kukuku

Sakuma Rei: I guess it’s just us now, Kaoru-kun~

Hakaze Kaoru: NONONO

Hakaze Kaoru: I GTG TEACHER ALMOST SAW ME

Sakuma Rei: H

[15:03]

Otogari Adonis: Ooga. mi go,5t his phon confiss cate df 

Hakaze Kaoru: what

Otogari Adonis: Oogami Kog

Hakaze Kaoru: what

Sakuma Rei: Yes

Hakaze Kaoru: you fuckers give me a headache

Sakuma Rei: 🌹

Hakaze Kaoru: TALK NORMALLY

Oogami Koga: GOT IT BACK

Oogami Koga: IM RUNNGING

Oogami Koga: RUNNINGG THRU THE EHLAAWAY

Oogami Koga: HALWWAY

Oogami Koga: HIDING IN CLUB ROOM

Oogami Koga: I LOST HIM

Oogami Koga: HOYL FUCKING CHRSIT YOU SHITTY VAMPIR RE DONTT FUCKING POP OUT OF THE COFFIN LIKE A AHAJAXK IN THE BOXX I CANT FUCKIGN STAND YOUR ASSS

Hakaze Kaoru: 🤷♂️

Sakuma Rei: 🙂

Otogari Adonis: Hel o its andon,is 

Otogari Adonis: Adonis 

Otogari Adonis: H owdo I back spac

Sakuma Rei: Puppy is laughing at you

Sakuma Rei: His face is a little red how cute you ng puppy love very sweet little young puppy and adnois 

Oogami Koga: WTF

Oogami Koga: I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!!!

Oogami Koga: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUTTT

Otogari Adonis: Oogami--kUn if yyou y;;are rd in the face yoyyu mayyn ot be feeling weell yoou sH;ould go hoome go hhomee get reest eat mEAt eat lots Oog ami very skinny 

Hakaze Kaoru: HELLO?

Oogami Koga: ‘m fine adonis. that bitch ass vampire is lying to ya

Oogami Koga: LIKE A BITCH

Otogari Adonis: Oh

Sakuma Rei: ouuchiee pupPy .hit mqe

Hakaze Kaoru: wtf. rude ass little doggy

Hakaze Kaoru: bad dog~ down, boy~~

Oogami Koga: DIE OFF STUPID FUCKING PLAYBOY I AINT NO DOG

Sakuma Rei: Time for club activities be good boys and attend your clubs

Hakaze Kaoru: skippin today

Sakuma Rei: Shinkai will be sad he likes when you are pr sent

Hakaze Kaoru: …

Hakaze Kaoru: psh…! l-like i care!

Oogami Koga: did you just stutter over text jesus fucking christ

Otogari Adonis: Time to run

Oogami Koga: you sound scary adonis

Otogari Adonis: Very s ory

Otogari Adonis: Track ad fiel.;md

Otogari Adonis: Club

Oogami Koga: twinks are here

Oogami Koga: twins*

Hakaze Kaoru: that wasn’t a typo

Sakuma Rei: Twink

Sakuma Rei: They are teenag ers not twink,s

Oogami Koga: ^^^ sick fuck

Hakaze Kaoru: WTF IT WAS A JOKE HELP

Otogari Adonis: What i s a wtink twink

Hakaze Kaoru: …

Hakaze Kaoru: GTG EVERYBODY!~ TTYL!~~

Oogami Koga: bye adonis

Sakuma Rei: Goodbye

Otogari Adonis: Wht

Otogari Adonis: Hello

Otogari Adonis: 📎


	2. emojis?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rei learns how to change nicknames and also how to use emojis. this turns out to be very unfortunate for everyone involved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI IM SORRY I MEANT TO UPDATE SOONER BUT a fella be goin thru it sorry if it formats weird i’m on mobile ¿

Sakuma Rei: Good moring

Hakaze Kaoru: learn to spell

Sakuma Rei: I have touble using smart phone

Sakuma Rei: Too advancedd technology for old man Rei old grandfather man Rei Sakuam

Oogami Koga: at least his texts are more intelligible than fucking. adonis’s

Hakaze Kaoru: hmm~~

Oogami Koga: TF DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE SQUIGGLE WHORE

Hakaze Kaoru: oh nothing’s wrong i’m just thinking about how many hot dates i have this week~

Oogami Koga: I DIDNT FUCKING ASK WHAT ARE YOU TALKINGABOUT WHAT 

Sakuma Rei: Kaoru-kun is so popular.

Sakuma Rei: So Cool

Hakaze Kaoru: ayo fuck you ^

Sakuma Rei: Oh?Kaoru-kun is into that

Sakuma Rei: ?Fuck me? He want to

Hakaze Kaoru: WHAT NO

Hakaze Kaoru: GODDD your so irritating sometimes sakuma-san

Sakuma: Do you mean

Sakuma Rei: ‘you’re’

Sakuma Rei: Learn to spell

Sakuma Rei: Kuku 

Hakaze Kaoru: fuck.

Oogami Koga: HAHAHAHAHAHAH LOOOOSSSEEERRR

Hakaze Kaoru: FUCKKKK OFFFFF WHO ARE YOU WHO ARE YOUUUUU

Otogari Adonis: Help

Otogari Adonis: Bakcspac.e hwo how do I bakcsoa 

Oogami Koga: adonis are you like. Okay

Sakuma Rei: Everybody look

Sakuma Rei changed Oogami Koga’s name to ‘The’.

The: WHY

Hakaze Kaoru: the

Otogari Adonis: The

Sakuma Rei: Ops

Sakuma Rei: Oops

Sakuma Rei: L.O.L. (Laughing Out Loud)

The: CHANGE IT BACK BASTARD?

Sakuma Rei changed The’s name to ‘Oogani Koga’.

Sakuma Rei: Uhoh

Sakuma Rei changed Oogani Koga’s name to ‘Iogamu Koja’.

Sakuma Rei changed Iogamu Koja’s name to ‘Oga miKog’.

Sakuma Rei changed Oga miKog’s name to ‘Oogami Kiga’.

Sakuma Rei: Help

Oogami Kiga: end me

Oogami Kiga: GIVE ME ADMIN PERMS DICKHOLE ILL DO IT MYSELF

Sakuma Rei promoted Oogami Kiga to Admin.

Oogami Kiga has changed their name to ‘RIOT WOLF’.

RIOT WOLF: heh

RIOT WOLF: badass

RIOT WOLF: WAIT

RIOT WOLF has changed 3 names.

RIOT WOLF: HA

playboy: this is so funny and original bro i am definitely not called this 50 times every day

RIOT WOLF: fuck u my names r good af

meat: I likeit

RIOT WOLF: SEE ADONIS AGREES my nicknames rock

meat: Meat

playboy: meat

shitty vampire: What is pog

playboy: what is WHAT

playboy: also these nicknames aren’t funny please try harder 

shitty vampire: Poger. What

playboy: i honest to god have literally no idea

shitty vampire: Ok.

RIOT WOLF: twitch slang

playboy: i don’t know what that is. i’m pretty 

RIOT WOLF: 🤨

meat: Hi to the,salami 

playboy: adonis i’m begging you to say something even mildly coherent 

Otogari Adonis: Vspeu

shitty vampire: Ritsu will not repond to Texts.His phone broken?

playboy: maybe he doesn’t like you

shitty vampire: :(

shitty vampire: Kaoru-kun there are a lot of pictures in my phone. I thought it was only smiley face but there are a lot.

shitty vampire: How

playboy: errrr

playboy: emojis…????

shitty vampire: 🧛

shitty vampire: ❤️

shitty vampire: 🥺 This one looks sad ?

playboy: i think it’s time for kaoru to log off

shitty vampire: Ok. T.T.Y.L (Talk to you later) Kaoru-ku 

shitty vampire: N

playboy: bye bye~

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone its me kosherdillpickles on ao3. back at you again with another chatfic because my fellow undeadPs deserve it. this one goes out to monica aka kogairl *plays some sick guitar riffs*  
> oh ya more to be added hopefully soon bc it's annoying when chatfics don't have a lot of chapters i guess you'll have to bookmark so u can see when it updates nooo haha jk unless


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